Miles Morgan Music

It’s interesting how decisions that seem small or small at the time can change you or someone else forever. Walk out one door instead of another and you miss the amazing woman who becomes your wife. Give a genuine compliment or word of encouragement and decades later that person shares how it was the thing that kept them going. You go 24 years hating coffee and one peer pressure cup turns into a daily ritual. The small things matter and are sometimes providential.

Eight years ago I released an album with my band. I had no idea what I was doing (It sounds like it.) but I knew I wanted CDs to sell and for it to be available to download/stream. There were a few options out there but after a little research I decided to go with CD Baby. I didn’t have a laundry list of why but they had an all in one package that gave me everything I wanted at the time. They also had a very helpful blog with a lot of useful information on how to record, release, and promote your music. I didn’t know it but that decision would end up being the main reason outside of my wife that kept me from giving up on music.   

Over the last eight years I went from one kid to three and early on was dealing with some personal demons. Music became an afterthought and I believed all of the lies that many artists tell themselves. “I’m not very good.” “Anyone who says they enjoy my music is just being kind.” “It would all be easier if I just quit and admit that it’s (I’m) not worth it.” Fortunately, I have a wonderful wife who calmly reassures me when I’m crazy and lends her wonderful voice to my music. She is my anchor and actually encouraged me to play live and connect with others through music again. Which I was doing. 

Enter the pandemic. Like the rest of the world I was at home, gigs went out the window, and I was trying to keep it all together while the old lies crept into my thoughts. I was ready to be done with music again and was sure that I would begin selling my guitars and recording equipment soon. Then one day a Facebook notification hit my phone. “CD Baby has gone live.” Another providential moment where I could have swiped the notification away but instead I clicked on it. There was Chris Robley and Kevin Breuner. I knew from the blog that they were involved with CD Baby and knew that Kevin was the guitar player for Small Town Poets. Every week on Thursday they interacted with independent musicians watching the live stream. They answered questions about distribution through CD Baby and anything else music/music industry related. They also talked about the DIY Musician Podcast which they hosted and I began listening. 

If you know anything about recovery you know that attending meetings regularly is essential. You need to know and be reminded that you are not alone and that others understand. I’m not saying that being an independent musician is tantamount to being an addict but I am saying it can feel really lonely. Through the live stream and the podcast I found a community that understood. There are musicians that I still talk with that I met in the chat of those live streams. I found I wasn't alone. And not being alone helped silence the lies.

Every week my phone would ring and "CD Baby has gone live" became an anchor in a world where one moment blurred into the next and it felt like I would never leave my house again. Much in the same way a TV or radio host can feel like a close friend Kevin and Chris were now part of my world. Except they were communicating with me\everyone in the chat and encouraged us to look forward to when we could all play music in person again.

That day did eventually come. The world started to slowly return to a new normal. The live streams and my ability to watch dissipated but I never missed and still never miss a podcast. One thing that was mentioned frequently on the live stream and podcast was the DIY musicians conference and how one day it would happen again. I had my tickets for the 2022 conference in Austin about two seconds after they were available. I recently went again to the conference in Nashville as well. It turns out Kevin and Chris are just as gracious in person. The whole CD Baby team was amazing and honestly the conference was good for my soul. I have so many stories and lessons I learned over those few days, which maybe I will write about at some point. This post though is to simply muse on the little things that make a huge difference and to say thank you. 

Thank you for letting me walk out of the south door instead of the north door where I would meet that pretty girl who would become my wife. Who in turn would keep me singing. Thank you for that peer pressure cup of coffee at a songwriter's retreat that turned into my second favorite beverage. Thank you for my seemingly random choice of CD Baby. Thank you to CD Baby for caring about and for independent musicians. Thank you Kevin and Chris. Whether you realize it or not, that "Go Live" button on your end was providential in my life and is one of the main reasons I’m still performing and releasing music. I will always be grateful that I chose to click on that notification.

                                          (Kevin, Chris, & Miles at the 2023 DIY Musician's Conference)

**I had this post mostly written before I found out Kevin was leaving CD Baby. While obviously I was somewhat sad to find that out. I am excited for him as he will continue to advocate for independent musicians while working with Band Lab. Band Lab is another company I use but on the creation instead of the distribution side of things. I'm also excited to see what Chris has in store for the podcast. Once again, those seemingly little things…..**

Thank you to everyone who followed my cover song project this year! I had the no idea what the response would be. While I won't be quitting the day job anytime soon I was actually very surprised by how many of you listened on your platform of choice, read my blog, and commented either online or in public. By the way, if you haven't clicked that like or follow button on your platform of choice please do so. I think my biggest take away is that I should sing with my wife more often cause she is awesome and y'all love her voice almost as much as I do. I have put all of the blog posts here in order of release. Thank you so much for reading and listening!

Wedding Dress was released by Derek Webb in 2003 on one of my favorite albums She Must And Shall Go Free. The entire album revolves around the church, her redemption, and God’s ultimate love for us even in our failures. 

The song itself laments the struggle of the Christian life. We desire to do what is right and be in perfect relationship with God and those around us. However, the reality is that in our fallen state and in this mortal life we are at best an unfaithful bride wrestling with our nature and desire to do wrong. Still God loves us through that and calls us to himself constantly. He desires a relationship with us while still hating our failures. 

Often the hardest thing for an addict to do is accept that they can be loved after everything they have done. Progress is often slow and they feel they are robbing God and their loved ones. When in reality true love suffers a multitude of wrongs and will sacrifice all to make one whole again. Thankfully Christ and my loved ones stuck by me even though they suffered much to make me whole again.  

I would be remiss not to mention that Derek Webb no longer claims to be a Christian and is apostate. We live in an interesting time where the temptation to “cancel” someone based on their actions or actions we didn’t know about is strong. Can we still love the art of someone we disagree with or has harmed us? I don’t have a good answer for that and it may be a case by case basis. What I can say is that whether Derek still believes the truth that he once put into that album or not is irrelevant to me. It is still true. Also, his story is not over and he may one day find a true faith.   

I hope you have enjoyed these five cover songs. I enjoyed recording them and I enjoy performing them live. If any of these songs connected with you and you would like to reach out to me for any reason feel free to use the contact page on my website or hit me up on any of my social media platforms. 

Finally, if you are struggling with an addiction hidden or not, please seek help. You are loved by God and created in His image and he desires for you to be whole and healthy. There are many avenues of recovery but I have grown the most, seen Jesus' love for me the clearest, and healed the most in my local Celebrate Recovery chapter. It is a safe place to bring any addiction, hang up, or hurt.

Say Something was released by A Great Big World featuring Christina Aguilera in 2014. It is a hauntingly beautiful song about not wanting to give up on a relationship in which the other person is failing. Loved ones who find out about a hidden addiction are often blindsided and want the relationship to be mended. However, there is never an easy fix and if there is to be reconciliation and healing the person who is most hurt in the equation will have to love the person that has hurt them at their worst.  

Knowing that you’ve failed those that you love is a crippling reality. At times it literally feels like all of the air has been removed from your chest and you can’t say anything. Either because there is no excuse for the behavior or because you don’t know if you can change and stop hurting them. Not being willing to give up but not knowing if you can win causes a total shut down. 

I love when my wife sings with me. She will forever be my perfect harmony. Full confession, I really have to work and practice to sing a harmony line. While my wife can listen to a melody once and have a pretty good idea where she is going with a harmony. She graciously agreed to be my “Christina Aguilera” for this song. I wasn’t thinking about it at the time. However, it is the perfect song to have her sing on. I know there were moments she was ready to leave and needed me to speak but I didn’t have the words. My Love, thanks for sticking with and fighting for me.

The House of The Rising Sun is a traditional folk song. The most popular versions were recorded by Bob Dylan and The Animals. While the meaning behind the lyrics are not known exactly, it is clear from context that the narrator keeps returning to a place to feed their addiction. The lyrics also acknowledge that how a person is cared for and the experiences they have growing up play a huge role in the struggles they will have as an adult. In this case, the father is absent and possibly abusive while the mother is simply trying to keep her child clothed.  

Part of the reason I love this song is that anyone struggling with an addiction can imprint themselves in the lyrics to some capacity. No, I don’t mean everyone had an absent father. In fact, mine was very present and my parents provided a good home to grow up in. Which is another serious part of addiction, anyone in the right situation can become an addict. However, there are very few addict’s stories that start off with “My childhood and adolescents were a safe wholesome time where I was fed well, taken care of, and coached positively by the adults in my life.”  And, all addicts have a place/person they go to for their fix. Maybe it’s their dealer, the internet, the liquor store, a friend's house, or the grocery store. They learn to despise that place wishing it didn’t exist or that they could simply stay away. One of the many reasons that addict’s share their stories either publicly or in safe places like Celebrate Recovery or AA is that they want others to avoid their mistakes. The fourth verse is that cry. “Oh mothers tell your children not to do what I have done.” 

The first step out of addiction and into recovery is admitting you have a problem during what is known as “a moment of clarity”. I like to think of this whole song as the narrator having that moment while waiting for a train back to New Orleans. Not to go back to their addiction but to go back and fight their demons. They are looking back over their life and what led them to this point and admitting in a prayer they are one of those poor ruined boys, “...God I know I’m one.”

Billie Eilish released Everything I Wanted in 2019 right before the pandemic. She wrote the lyrics after she had a dream about committing suicide. The song later became a tribute to her brother and how much she cared for him. However, the tones of self harm are still found in her lyrics. At my worst I seriously contemplated taking my life. These moments were often after I got what I wanted only to realize the “nightmare” I had created for myself and thought I could never get out of. 

I began to cover this song on live streams during the pandemic. The song speaks to me on a lot of levels. One being that everything that I want rarely fulfills me and most of the time leaves me feeling empty. All of the success, money, and stuff in the world ultimately is a fool's errand that never satisfies. 

Another is that your words and how you treat people matter. Your words can either lift someone up or tear them down. And, in today’s world I would say it’s better to err on the side of kindness because you have no idea the dark places you may send someone with your harsh or mean words. We for sure saw too much of that online during the pandemic and still see too much of it now. 

Once again though there is hope. The reality is that we can feel alone. That no one is for us. However, the protagonist in this song calls out, “As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you.” and “If I could change the way that you see yourself. You wouldn’t wonder why you’re here.” Whether you realize it or not there is someone for you. 

Running To Stand Still was originally released by U2 on their album The Joshua Tree. I particularly love their live rendition from Chicago in 2005. For me, the song encapsulates the desperation of addiction. There is a cruelty to how you deeply want to be free of whatever has bound you. Most addicts suffer alone as they try to solve the problem themselves and keep it a secret. They cycle, meaning that they make some progress but because no one or no one who cares knows the exact nature of what they are going through they find themselves right back at square one. The original recording ends with the lyric “She will suffer the needle chill. She’s running to stand still.” The woman in the song is left at square one. She wants out, she wants to be done, and she tries to run away from it all but fails. Some addicts never win and their addiction costs them everything. However, some have a moment of clarity. They realize that they can’t do it on their own and they need help. It is in that moment, often at our worst, run ragged, and with little to no hope that you hear the voice of God. His voice that was there all along. His voice that was gently calling you to step out of your secret. His voice that was speaking words of hope. I think U2 later realized this because nearly all of their live versions include a chorus of “Hallelujah”. So does my version. There is hope.

At the end of last year I set a goal of recording and releasing five cover songs in 2022. The vision was simple. Perform songs that I connected with. And, keep the recording simple, just me and a guitar for the most part. I chose songs that I had been playing live more recently and began recording. I had no intention of the songs being connected in any way but as I continued to work on them I noticed a connective tissue. As I thought about it I realized that the connection, for better or worse, was addiction.  

I dwell on addiction often. There are many reasons for meditating on the matter. However, the first and foremost is that my addiction almost destroyed every relationship in my life. And, in my darkest moments it almost took my life. If you’ve never experienced a deep seated addiction or had a front row seat to a loved one fighting for or losing their life to addiction it can be something that is very difficult to wrap your head around.  

One of the many coping mechanisms someone fighting addiction learns along the way is to listen to music that can calm them down, minister to them in some way, and listen to a message that reminds them of what they are fighting for. As a musician you tend to take it a step further and learn or write songs that do the same.  

I will be releasing a song every week starting next Friday (09/16/22) for five weeks. Along with that release I will have a small post as to why the song is important to me or helped me along the way. Hopefully, if you’ve stuck with me this far, the song and my interpretation will mean something to you or at least be enjoyed on some level by you. 

Thanks for listening.

There will always be a Patrick Mahomes going into overtime. There will always be a new social media service or angle to try and reach fans. There will always be a new song to write. There will always be an episode of something you don’t want spoiled. There will always be a house to clean, laundry to fold, and dishes to put in the washer. There will always be a friend who wants to hang out. There will always be a church or organization you can give your time to. 

She won’t always be at the door asking you to come play with her in the snow. She won’t always run up to you when you step outside in the cold and give you a huge hug. She won’t always ask to snuggle under a blanket and watch that stupid Disney show. He won’t always be asking you to read him Lord of The Rings before bed or play that Fortnite game you don’t like. They won’t always whoop for joy when you get them B-Bop’s and whatever soda they want. They won’t always want a hug and kiss when you tuck them in. 

 I’ve yet to regret choosing the things that won’t always be there over the things that will.